The Scary Elephant In The Room

I've come to realize that we are born to die, with some stuff thrown in the middle. The stuff in the middle is the gift of life but it does come to an end. I know as I approach my 70th birthday the idea of dying becomes more and more pronounced, I'm hopeful it's gonna happen later than sooner.

I live in an over 55 community with most of the owners in the 80's or above. The ambulances and fire department are frequently visitors and it gets depressing.  We all live here with our beautiful homes waiting, and as we are waiting we play cards, watch movies, play pool, bingo, swim etc at the club house. Until...... Reminds me of the song "another one bites the dust"

So you might ask where does that scary elephant come in? He's there, I believe in each household in every over 55 community, being buried by the force of will to not even think about it. But that isn't always the case. One of my neighbors has terminal cancer and hospice has been called. She has fought cancer for the last 5 years and cancer is finally winning.  I wonder what it must be like to live each day and to not know when it will be the last, because she knows it's coming. Does she and her husband talk frankly about what is to happen and what life will be like without her? Does she confess her undying love to him and to each and every one of her children? Does she go thru the process of saying goodbye with the promise she'll still be with them?  Does she let each and everyone of those she love start to grieve before she leaves?

The elephant wishes to be acknowledged and for good reason.

When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer any talk of her illness or imminent death was forbidden. All of us 5 kids knew she was dying, my father knew she was dying I suspect she hoped and hoped that if she and we didn't acknowledge it she'd be okay. It was weird visiting her trying to act as if nothing was going to happen but along with my mother and I in the room was the elephant. A lost opportunity for her and all of us siblings. My father left the same way.

I think I'll have a great conversation with my children about dying and how I feel about it, how I'll miss them and then I'll drill them on what will they be doing with my money. ;-)